So, I tried a juice cleanse and here’s how it went…
Horribly. It went horribly.
I should have just bought a laxative and taken it consistently for 3 days. Or just ate rotten food. I was SICK. Like, sick sick.
Anyway, I tried the Squeezed Online three day juice cleanse that I had heard so much about on the radio. I paid the $75 and my juices were delivered. I lined them all up in the fridge in the order of which I would drink them. You know, super cute.
The instructions told me that the juices would stay good in the fridge for seven days. Pretty normal shelf life. The juices were delivered on Friday and I was going to start drinking them Monday. So, all-in-all I had until next Friday to drink them.
However, when I opened up the first juice to drink on Monday, I noticed that it smelled and tasted a little fermented and vinegary. But I had never done a juice cleanse before so I figured that’s how it’s supposed to taste. I drank all of the day one juices and felt mostly okay. My tummy felt a little sour and I had diarrhea more times than I was comfortable with.
The next day I woke up and felt horrible. I felt like I hadn’t eaten anything in weeks and I just kept having liquid sh*ts every 30 minutes. I also vomited a few times, which should have been a red flag. I also had a horrible migraine for a few days straight and couldn’t get out of bed except to crawl to the toilet.
I cheated and ate some saltine crackers to try to make my stomach feel better but it didn’t really help. I tried some soup but just kept throwing everything up and/or diarrheaing. I was totally done with the juice cleanse by noon on the second day.
I could have saved myself a lot of misery and money if I had just taken some laxatives, because that’s pretty much what the juice cleanse was. A laxative.
I’m not sure if the juices had fermented or what but I was super sick for a few days because of it, and now every time I smell juice it makes me gag a little.
I wanted to try the juice cleanse to lose a few pounds, detox, and try to reset my palette/curb my cravings but I just ended up living on the toilet for four days.
I did lose about seven pounds in the four days that I was super sick but once I started eating solid food again (and being able to keep it down) I gained the seven pounds right back.
So, if you’re trying to lose weight super quickly for an event or something (which I don’t recommend), don’t do a juice cleanse. Drink a lot of water (one gallon per day), maybe take a laxative to help you clean out your gut, and eat broth-based soups and vegetables.
Juice cleanses are a waste of time and money. You’re basically paying big bucks for a laxative and you’ll gain the weight back immediately when you have your first bite of solid food.
Spending a few days drinking a ton of water, eating broth-based soups (no cheesy or creamy soups), and maybe taking a healthy laxative one day to help clean you out would be WAY better than a juice cleanse in my opinion.
I’m getting a headache just thinking about a juice cleanse honestly. So gross. Horrible experience. Big waste of money. 10/10 would NOT recommend.